Sojourn by Melissa Lemay

 Mother, why don’t you love me?

Why did you let my father hurt me?

I’ll never understand how you can

bring a child into the world, especially

one requiring so much time and care

and not have the ability or tolerance


to care for them. A little tolerance

could have gone a long way with me

when I wanted to talk–you didn’t care.

”That’s enough” was what you’d tell me

when you’d heard enough. Especially

when I talked about how friends can


hurt, how the things people say can

influence a young girl, unable to tolerate

much in the way of emotion, especially.

No one ever taught me. You wanted me

to be seen and not heard. You told me

in unspoken words you didn’t care.


If I told you today, you wouldn’t care

how much having your own children can 

reopen old wounds; how it’s been for me–

so hard. At times it’s been like tolerating

ocean waves overtaking, pummeling me

to the ground. This has been especially


true when I have suffered, especially

true during times of anxiety, when care,

no matter little or much, might have saved me.

For me it seems too late, I don’t think we can

have a relationship. It would be like tolerating

walking on endless beds of hot coals to me.


This isn’t true because it’s painful for me

or because you bother me especially,

but because you maintain the inability to tolerate

my emotions, and now my children. You care

about yourself. Perpetuating curses can

only cause strife for you and for me.


I don’t want these things, tolerating them seems impossible for me.

I wanted a loving family, so I’ve created one especially

for itself, and you are free now, to care about yourself, as only you can.

I am a stay-at-home mother from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. I have lived an interesting life and my experiences shape my writing. I love the craft and continue to practice, writing about God, trauma and healing, being a mother, and many other things. Additionally, I enjoy spending time with family, drinking good coffee, and cats–petting them, not drinking them. Find me at https://melissalemay.wordpress.com